Going
by Mistyrivers
Summary: Alex hopes to leave town without seeing Marissa.


Going

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's note: I decided to write Alex's exit myself because I know however it's done on the show will just piss me off. I hope you like it.

I'm almost done. My car's all packed and I just need to make sure I haven't left anything important here because I don't plan on coming back. I can't risk seeing her again. Her with him. That would just kill me.

I guess I should be thankful to Ryan for once. He's probably got her all wrapped up in him. I should be able to leave without her knowing, which is all I want. I place the letter on top of her clothes, knowing she'll definitely see it there. She'd never leave her precious belongings here. She'll be back and she'll discover I've left.

It's probably kind of a wuss move to write a letter, but what would be the point of telling her? She doesn't want to be with me, she wants him. I don't need her to tell me that. I don't want to hear it. I just want to leave and never think about her again. Of course, the letter's probably useless. She won't care that I've left or why. Hell, I'm making things easier for her. She won't have to let me down easy or worry her pretty little head about anything but Ryan.

Crap, there's a sound at the door and I desperately hope it's the landlord coming to bitch about the rent, but I know that it's not. I don't have that kind of luck. And sure enough, the door opens and there stands Marissa.

"Alex," she says. "What are you doing? Your car's all packed up."

I roll my eyes at her. She can be so dense sometimes. "I'm leaving, Marissa."

"What?" She looks surprised. How is that possible? Did she really think I would stay here and wait to be dumped for Ryan?

"Look, I don't want this to be a big thing. I'm just going to go. You're stuff's still here. Get it or not, I don't really care."

"Why are you doing this?"

I look at her closely, unable to believe she doesn't understand, but it's clear that she really doesn't. "You didn't think I was going to wait for you to dump me, did you?"

"I wasn't-"

"Don't. Just don't. I'm not stupid, Marissa. You were going to leave me, go back to live with your mom and start screwing Ryan again. I get it. I'm just not going to stay and watch it."

"Alex, I- I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Hey, don't worry about it. It would take a lot more than a spoiled princess for Newport to break my heart." A total lie, but I can tell I hit a sore spot. She looks like someone punched her in the stomach.

"I thought you cared about me," she says in this pathetically small voice that almost makes me feel sorry for her.

"It doesn't really matter if I do, does it? It's over either way."

"Alex-"

"That's why you're here. To break up with me. To say you're sorry, but you don't want to be with me. I bet you had a whole speech planned out. Well, you can skip it. I don't want to hear it and you probably don't really want to say it."

I can't believe it. There are actual tears in her eyes. "I want us to be friends."

I laugh harshly at her. "Marissa, don't pull that. No one can stay friends with their exes. It puts too much on whoever you're dating. Hell, you know that. You're dumping me for your ex-boyfriend. Besides, I could never be friends with you. I'm kind of surprised I ever dated you anyway."

"You don't mean that." She shakes her head rapidly. If I wasn't smarter, I might actually believe that she cares.

"Yeah, I do. Anyway, you should be happy everything went down like this. You'll look a lot better this way."

"What are you saying?"

"This way, you can tell everyone that you tried to let me down easy, but that I was a total bitch and hurt your feelings. Hey, you can run to Ryan and cry your eyes out over mean, old Alex."

"That's not fair."

"What's fair? Is it fair that I let you stay here when you couldn't even get a job? Is it fair that our whole relationship was basically just a ploy to piss off your mom? Life's not fair, sweetheart." I sneer at her, wanting to get this over with. To get away from her before I break. I just want to wipe those tears out of her eyes and take her into my arms, but there's no point. Even if she went to me willingly, she'd leave soon. She'd go back to Ryan and I'd end up alone again.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you saying these things?"

"I'm just telling the truth, Marissa. Why do you care? Do you want to stay with me?" I asked, already knowing the answer, but hoping that maybe she'll say she really wants to stay with me.

"I can't stay with you," she says and even though I knew it was coming, it still breaks my heart.

I turn away from her and blink back the tears, hoping to hell she doesn't notice. "Fine. Whatever. Let's just call it a day. We had a run of it and now we're done."

"I don't want it to end like this, Alex. I really do care about you." She grabs my arm and spins me back around so I'm looking right at her. Luckily, I've managed to stop the tears.

"You know, the reason I was planning to leave with a letter is because I didn't want some big, dramatic scene. I just want to leave."

"Alex-" To shut her up, I kiss her briefly on the lips one last time. It isn't some play to get her to want me. I just had to kiss her again before I leave and never see her again.

I look her in the face, trying to memorize everything about her. Spoiled, stubborn, and overly dramatic, she is still without a doubt the most beautiful person I've ever encountered in my whole life. I'm never going to see her again and it absolutely kills me.

"Good bye, Marissa."

She stays silent so I turn away and walk toward the door. I'm almost gone when I hear her soft voice. "Good bye, Alex."

The tears start to roll down my face as I walk to my car and drive away from Marissa. I wonder what she'll think of the letter. I hope it doesn't make her too upset. Contrary to what she probably thinks, I really do hope she'll be okay. I want her to be happy. Even if it's not with me.


End file.
